Review Request Thread

Hi, Phelous could you please review some of these movies?  Down/TheShaft (2001) - Some building is struck by lightning and the elevator starts killing everyone. Ghost in the machine (1993) - Soul of some murderer gets sucked to computer and starts killing everyone. Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009) - Stupid teen movie about vampires. House of Wax (2005) - Bunch of jacasses going somewhere got killed. Pterodactyl (2005) - Bunch of scientists going somewhere and got killed by pterodactyls.

First, why not clone this thread in the review forum?

Now, I suggest Rest Stop, its about 2 teens who run away from home, go off the map, get attacked by a very cruel demon (Idk), stop at a rest stop where KZL 303 (the demon's liscense plate is his surname) and are unable to leave. It's scary, but fail. There's also a sequel, but it's the same plot. I don't care which one you review.

Because there only needs to be one thread. It would be a pain in the ass to have topics with the exact same subject going on at the same time.

Now for a suggestion from me: Naked Space (Also called "The Creature Wasn't Nice") starring Leslie Nielson. I remember my dad renting this when I was a kid with hopes that it'd be like a sci-fi Naked Gun(It was literally referred to as that on the box after all). It was depressingly bad, to the point that we just stopped watching it about half way through.

http://imdb.to/9lWRW3
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_Space_(movie)

I meant having one thread accessible from two forums, like how the rules thread was on the old forums. Or that isn't supported on here?

I have yet to see you do something along the lines or Wes Craven or John Carpenter, but I am curious to see what your take of his unfortunate misfire known as Cursed. Still, I think Howling VII: Bad Moon Rising is the king of bad werewolf films. Nothing but 90 mins of line dancing and sh*tty writing.

As far as I know the current forum system doesn't support that. If a thread is stickied, it's only stickied in the forum it belongs to. I'm sure there's some module or something that could be installed to do this, but I can't be assed to bother looking

You Think The Characters in Hostel Are Unlikeable Go Watch 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams And Its Shit

I would very much like to see reviews for the Silent Night, Deadly Night series. Very much.

GARBAGEEE DAY

what? NO! *gets shot through garbage can*

It's a crappy 1991 Child's Play clone. The doll has less personality, the acting is sub-par (save for poor Denise Crosby who... Gaia only knows why she's in this... maybe she was desperate and didn't read the script).The short and long of it, A Mayan crappy special effect... I mean ancient evil, possesses a doll, who runs around killing people. Why? Who cares. Daddy is starting up a doll factory in Mexico and may as well not even be in the movie for as much screen time as he gets. The little brat... I mean girl, picks out a doll which of course is the one that the spirit entered. The son is destined to be in Revenge of the Nerds IV... 7th grade Nerds who somehow is allowed to be part of an archeological dig of the Mayan satan worshipers or something. (They give it a fancy made up name 'Sanzia'... it's still no less idiotic).Then there's the brat.. I mean younger daughter who loves "Dolly" and for no explained reason has a bond with the doll that she can learn ancient bullshit languages from it, and is affected when priests or other 'holy symbols' are present. And yet she's surprised the first time she sees the doll move on it's own, though she's been having conversations with it that we don't get to hear.Oh sorry there's more than one possessed doll it seems. The characters that die are... inconsequential no ones. They appear just to be killed. Save the maid... who was just really a throwaway character.The worker who's killed 'flirts' with one of the dolls in a kinda disturbing way and well... apparenty dies from a sewing machine wound to his hand... which caused a heart attack....Oh and it's the 900 year olf story of the birth of evil in said archelogical 'dig'.And let's not forget the amazing gate that a 7th grader can open without effort... but can stop a charging rotwillier in his tracks. Yes this movie is just 12 flavors of stupid and deserves a ripping.Why are these dolls killing people? Well... because the evil crappy special effect escaped, and well... that seems to be the only reason. And did I mention these dolls are just fugly?Oh this is even better. The archeological dig is digging up 'the crypt of the child of satan with the head of a goat and the body of a child' to prove that it's not what what's in there. And all the Mexicans in this town apparently convieniently speak fluent English.This movie is just pure crap. Rip it apart, please.             

Sorry for the double post, not used to these forums

Don't worry about it. Just make sure to use the edit feature more often.

Phelous I think I found the perfect movie for you. It's a movie about a killer turkey, called Thankskilling. That's pretty much all you need to know. But if you're curious enough, here's the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOjSRoxc6mg. It honestly looks like a Youtube parody trailer than a real movie, but apparently it is on Netflix, so...there you go.

Push. A simple film about a group of people with different superhero like abilities that are being hunted down in Japan...or was it China, anyway, they are being hunted down to be simply exterminated. It's done by Summit Entertainment, before the Twilight Years.

Killdozer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVBSGXj7HrM)

How about Night Train, Creep, and the Black Phelia...I mean, The Black Dahlia.

Wolf Creek
House of Wax (2005)
Hitcher (something like that. I saw that movie with my girlfriend but we weren't paying very much attention to the movie... It was pretty bad. I just remember this chick being scalped by a wench...)

The Hills Have Eyes remake
Texas Chainsaw Massacre rehashes

If you don't have the DVD of Wolf Creek, I will happily mail you mine. I also think I have all the DVDs for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies... I'll have to look.

This sounds like it could be a riveting masterpiece: The Human Centipede.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Centipede

It's a horror movie where a crazy doctor connects three people together mouth-to-anus. Seriously.

The movie apparently doesn't go into the gory details, which in this case is probably a good thing.

What about the great Movie "Flesh Eating Mothers" from 1988?

I just watched Terror Night or as it's known on Netflix instant watch Bloody Movie. All I can really say about is it there really isn't enough face to palm to get through this movie

Hey Phelous! I know I already sent you a video message on YouTube about this movie but I figured I'd request it here, anyway. Could you please do a review of Pirahnah, the recent film that just came out? I watched it yesterday with my boyfriend and, boy, it's BAD. I think you would give it the perfect review that it deserves. Thanks!

I know a real bad movie that people should check out
"Dont go into the woods alone!" its so bad its funny just check out the trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cPsewoSRA8&feature=related

Sorority Row. Just a horrible slasher film with many laughable qualities.

Main points that cause me to suggest it (I apologize for and warn of wordiness in advance):

~The Killer's Weapon. A "Pimped out Tire Iron." Quoted as that's what someone in the movie calls it. It's a tire iron with different types of blades on each end. And they aren't taped. These things (Because there are multiples of it) are custom made.

~Bad Plot Twists. I won't spoil them, but the reveals are in no way good at all. And the scenes to disguise the killer only make it more obvious.

~Out of Place "Sexy" scenes. Being an R-Rated movie titled "Sorority Row" the filmmakers seemed to assume that the viewing audience would expect breasts. However, the main stars of the film are up-and-coming actresses who aren't in the desperate "Please keep me away from SyFy Originals" state of their career. So they hire a few extras for the sake of either showing their breasts, or at one point showing a SLOOOOOOOOOW Motion Water Balloon hit a girl in a white t-shirt. No we never see her face. Oh, you weren't asking...

~Dumb Characters. Well...that's par for the course, I suppose. No one is likable, including the main girl.

And my final point:

~The stupidity of the set-up. Honestly, the opening scenes setting up the plot are just full of stupid. I won't spoil anything, but I will say that if someone knew about fingerprints, this movie wouldn't have happened.

So...yeah...I didn't like it but wouldn't mind it getting the Phelous treatment. I'm weird though.

Phelority Row!

And as for a dumb movie that I like but think would be a good review. Lou Diamond Phillips (B-Movie Superstar) in Route 666. A possessed highway where a chain gang of convicts were murdered (Ironic?). They now come back and pound all victims into the pavement.

Seriously, I can't think of a way to describe how aweful this movie is. Acting so bad it may as well all be read by Stephen Hawking, no plot, nonsensical dialog, and a scene where the moon is so close to the Earth you might be able to reach it with a step ladder. I'm not even done watching it, and I registered for this site just to tell you to check it out because it would make a good review - if you could make it through. I'm having trouble doing that myself.My copy is on the Horror Collector's Set, with three other laughably bad movies: Live Animals, Roman (the only movie I've ever turned off without completing - and I sat through Black Devil Doll From Hell), and Skeleton Man. It's put out by Echo Bridge Home Entertainment, a company who's slogan is - get this - "The Entertainment Alternative for What the World Wants to See." I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds like the opposite of what they intended.Really, check this movie out. I'd recommend it to other reviewers as well, but you have the advantage of not restricting the dates of a movie's release for your reviews. Lucky you.

This is my choice.. boy it's cheesy and it may be a slasher but it just makes you have a stupid time.. please review this movie Phelous.. and if you want.. cameo me into it

Plot:
In 1970, three children are born at the height of a total eclipse. Due to the sun and moon blocking Saturn, which controls emotions, they have become heartless and uncaring, with no feelings of remorse over their awful offences. Ten years later, they begin to kill the adults around them and are able to escape detection because of their youthful and innocent facades. However, when a young boy and his older sister discover their crimes, they find themselves as the targets of the evil children. At the end the two evil children were arrested except for the girl whom managed to escape. The film ends with the girl promising that she will be a good girl to her mother as they drive somewhere else, but the final scene reveals that there was truck driver who was murdered by the girl.

Hi Phelous!!!
Yesterday i watched "The Final Destination", and it is full of mystic racist (i mean there are 2 afro americans, one is a bum and the second is a security guard) bullshit. So please,could you review this?
P.S. Why the cowboy must die, if he accidentally survived?  

What is racist about it? You think there are no afroamericans security guards or bums in the whole world?

It just my opinion, but why they must be shown like this?

This is technically not a review request because I personally don't want to be subjected to this awful movie again, even in review form. However, I'd just like to make Phelous aware of the "spiritual successor" to Troll 2, in case he is ever in need of the ultimate torture device. It's called Skeleton Key II: 667 Neighbor of the Beast. In it, the characters go to Nilbog and... do something. Look, if you can make it past the first minute (seriously, the first minute) then I commend you. I had to watch it twi... - okay, once and a half- in order to write a review on it and I don't think I'll ever be sane again. You're welcome.   

Okay, real request this time. The Seamstress. I'm just hoping someone can explain to me what the hell happened in this movie, because it sure as hell wasn't about a killer with a sewing needle. There's a great funny scene where this guy accidentally (?) channels practically every linguistic stereotype about Canadians into one performance, complete with copious eh's.